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Bad at Christmas
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I'm bad at Christmas. That is, I'm not good at it. I don't do it right.

I haven't shopped yet. I don't want to shop. I don't have any money for that and I have absolutely no desire. I don't want anything from anybody else either, except for the voice recorder my wife is getting me. But our money is pooled. It's like I'm buying it for myself. Same for whatever I'm getting for her. Some weird hanging chair or something. I hope she orders it in time for me to give it to her.

I don't like holiday parties, especially work related ones. They are an unwelcome, socially awkward obligation. I'm grateful I've been spared that this year at my job, wherever I work.

Cards? Yeah- hopefully my wife will do it.

Now that I have kids I've having to deal with the whole Santa Clause bullshit. My four year old son was just grilling me about Santa at dinner. I'm trying to do my best to tell him the deal with Santa. I hate lying so I phrase it carefully. I'm like- the story of Santa as I understand is as follows-

*Santa lives at the North Pole with Mrs. Clause.
*Magic Elves make toys all year at the North Pole with Santa. What do the elves eat? I don't know. Fish, I guess.
*Santa has a sleigh with eight flying reindeer.
*On Christmas Eve Santa and the eight flying reindeer (led by an ninth with a glowing nose on cloudy years) fly around the world landing on every rooftop with the sleigh and climbing down whatever passes for a chimney with a bag of toys.

Where we live we have a stovepipe, so I had to invent that Santa could shrink to fit any size pipe via "magic." To make a long story short, "magic" ended up being the answer to most of my son's questions about how Santa can do this or that. I couldn't keep a straight face. I don't know why we lie to our kids about this. What is wrong with people?

I just picked up a tree for $14 at a gas station. It's as tall as the four year old and kind of straggly. Just like the one I got last year. As soon as the fragile ornaments came out, our nearly two year old daughter started messing with them, so now the tree is on our kitchen counter shedding all over the place. Why is this better?

I'm a Christian, but I very rarely go to Church and never on Christmas. I don't feel any more or less spiritual on that day.

It's usually a day off from work.
posted by Haik Bedrosian @ 8:29 PM  
13 Comments:
  • At December 16, 2008 10:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i love work related Christmas parties, or any work related parties. you're a party pooper, Haik Bedrosian. boo-hoo.

     
  • At December 16, 2008 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh Anonymous. You're such a work-related-party girl.

     
  • At December 16, 2008 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hecks yeah! i live for work parties!

     
  • At December 17, 2008 10:25 AM, Blogger Charity said…

    Hey, a day off work is always nice.

    Haik, if it makes you feel better, Bob has yet to buy my gift (or gifts).

    And we never go to the Christmas party.

    This is a hard time of year. People place so many expectations on it, often ones that are impossible to live up to.

    I grew up in a non-Christian home and Christmas was this huge deal with lots of presents (that my mom could not afford) and decorations and activities, etc. That was the meaning. It lacked any other significance. I used to do that too, after I had kids. I would skip paying my bills every December (except rent) and spend the next few months catching up. It was so stressful.

    After we became Christians, Christmas became something more meaningful and we abandoned so much of the extravagance. It has been so much more enjoyable.

    This year, I kind of bought a lot of gifts because I saved all of the money that I made with link ads on She's Right. I have mixed feelings about it. It's nice to be able to buy stuff, but I don't want the kids to go back to thinking it is a big present day and forget what we have tried to teach them for the past few years.

    There is a Christmas song that I really like that says, "I celebrate the day that you were born to die, so I could one day pray for you to save my life." It reminds me that Christmas is really about remembering the beginning of Jesus' life on Earth, when Jesus was born. And that because of that birth, I am forgiven. I don't have to walk around carrying all of these burdens because of my faults and my mistakes. I don't have to beat myself up when I don't live up to even God's expectations because there is grace and second chances.

    That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. For me anyway. It beats the stressful celebration of materialism.

    Plus, it's an excuse to make a big fancy dinner with lots of delicious desserts. (But that's only a plus if you love to cook big dinners, like I do.)

    Hang in there, Haik. It's almost over.

     
  • At December 17, 2008 10:38 AM, Blogger Haik Bedrosian said…

    This year, I kind of bought a lot of gifts because I saved all of the money that I made with link ads on She's Right.

    Damn! I gotta get on that. I've only sold one ad ever! Looks like Christmas isn't the only thing I'm bad at. Thanks for making me feel bad Charity!

    Just kidding. Good comment. Thanks.

     
  • At December 17, 2008 10:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Therapy.

     
  • At December 17, 2008 11:45 AM, Blogger Haik Bedrosian said…

    Why would I need therapy? I already have a blog.

     
  • At December 17, 2008 12:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are one of the brightest, funniest most depressed people online. Maybe therapy for you is a bad idea for your readers interests. Yeah, forget therapy, keep blogging.

     
  • At December 17, 2008 12:51 PM, Blogger Haik Bedrosian said…

    Thanks groovy U-V. You come on back often, y'hear?

     
  • At December 17, 2008 4:41 PM, Blogger Cassandra Jupiter said…

    Santa never gave me or Mr. Jupiter any presents. :-(
    It's possible to tell your children the truth about Santa, look how well adjusted me and J turned out!

     
  • At December 17, 2008 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    my holiday spirit died when i became a teenager. i remember exactly how it happened. i was 12, and the new year was approaching, and for the first time in my life i felt nothing. as a child, holidays were magical. i never was excited about birthdays, but loved New Year Celebration. i often wish i could feel like that again, even just for a moment.

     
  • At December 17, 2008 7:56 PM, Blogger Haik Bedrosian said…

    i often wish i could feel like that again, even just for a moment.

    I think I've heard someone say the exact same thing about an ecstasy trip.

    Try to buck up camper! You're not nothing! You're Muriel frickin' Heslop and you don't need to listen to another ABBA song ever again!

    ...Wait a minute. Did you say "I felt nothing...?" I thought you said "I felt like nothing."

    Never mind.

     
  • At December 19, 2008 12:05 PM, Blogger Cidman said…

    I know how you feel. I feel bad that I just want Christmas to be over. I thought that I might be reinvigorated as this is our first Christmas without the pretense of Santa. I still can't muster any enthusiasm....

     
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